It's even okay to enjoy them when they're embodied in someone else, so long as we always remember that the someone else is not and will never be our loved one.
I think it kind of makes sense to enjoy our loved one's qualities where ever we can find them. I know I'll never find her, yet I still look in hopes that someone will come close enough to fool me for a little while. I quietly think, "Are you my mother?" but the answer is never yes. Even though I know my mother is gone, on some level I always look for her. This isn't how the story ends, but it's the end for me. A loud "SNORT" belches from its exhaust stack, prompting the bird to utter the immortal line, "You are not my mother! You are a SNORT!" But as it shudders and grinds into motion he cannot escape. In desperation, the hatchling calls out to a boat and a plane (they both do not respond), and at last, convinced he has found his mother, he climbs onto the teeth of an enormous power shovel. Refusing to give up, he sees an old car, which cannot be his mother for sure. As he cannot fly, he walks, and in his search, he asks a kitten, a hen, a dog, and a cow if they are his mother. He does not understand where his mother is so he goes to look for her. His mother, thinking her egg will stay in her nest where she left it, leaves her egg alone and flies off to find food. "Are You My Mother?" is the story about a hatchling bird. Eastman called ' Are You My Mother?' Here is Wikipedia's synopsis. It all reminds me of a sweet children's book by P.D. I still know these things when I see them, although I rarely do (except when I see her identical twin.her identical twin and Julie Andrews). I have a cognitive understanding that she is gone, yet I still pine for the things were her. Yearning is typically most intense around 5 or 6 months following a loss and afterward it should lessen, but I suppose less is not the same thing as gone.Įven years after my mother's death I guess it makes sense to feel a small sense of yearning for her. Although we intellectually know the person cannot return, we still search for them. After a death, we long for our loved ones and we wish it were possible to be reunited with them. Of course, I'm familiar with the concept of yearning, which is a very common grief reaction.
It just seems to make sense that people would look for those they love and miss in the appearance, personality traits, values, abilities, roles and tendencies of others. Don't others have this experience? Maybe I am weird. This morning I looked around the Internet to see if I could find anything about seeing your loved one in other people after they die. In fact at one point in the interview Diane Sawyer actually said to Julie Andrews something to the effect of, "You know, there are people on the internet who say they wish you were their mother." For a second this made me think that Julie-Andrews-Mother-Envy was really a thing. I can tell some of you are starting to think I'm weird, but I'm not. I don't have the usual tabloid fodder to prove she's anything but what I idealize my mother to have been. I don't know how it was in the days when she was front-and-center, but if she was a part of rumors or gossip or scandal it was way before my time. I guess maybe that's part of the reason why it works, Julie Andrews von Trapp is kind of a blank slate to me. It's remarkable how much I've allowed my mind to project my mother onto a woman I don't even know. Her short hair, her love of children, her guitar, her singing, her values and idealism - which 'her' am I talking about? Doesn't matter, they're the same person! I'm only slightly exaggerating. I think I underestimated just how much my mind has confused Maria von Trapp, as played by Julie Andrews circa 1965, with my own mother. Remember when we told you that grief triggers tend to pop up when you least expect them? Well, thats exactly what happened when last night my delightful romp through Salzburg, Austria with Diane Sawyer and Julie Andrews turned into an hour long sob-fest. Last night I watched ABC's special "The Untold Story of 'The Sound of Music.'" I stopped on the special because I thought it would be a harmless and happy break from the murder and deception of HBO's, The Jinx, which I had just finished watching. Coping with Grief Triggers, Is this Normal?
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